Apron Strings

Tonight I feel like a nervous mum on the night before her child’s first day of school. I haven’t had children so I can only imagine that this is what it feels like. Tomorrow my friend goes for his first day at a Day Centre. It’s a day centre for Seniors organised by the care agency that provides his home support.

His daughter and I took him there for a visit last week and he melted into it. He was again amongst his peers chatting and drinking coffee. This week he’ll be there for 4hrs; he’ll be picked up and dropped off by their bus. I’m nervous about the drop off at the end, I won’t be around, my fears are probably unfounded so I will just need to have a little faith.

I will be there to wave goodbye and send him on his way. And I’ll get to spend some quality time with his doggie. I could leave her on her own, but I quite enjoy the idea of taking her for a walk or bringing her to my house for a bit. At some point she’ll need to start getting used to it being me and her. When the time comes for him to be in full time care, she’ll live with me.

I feel like I'm cutting the apron strings, giving him back a little of much needed independence. It's important to facilitate that while we can. I'm responsible for him and it's a weight that is at times heavy. I need to let go a little sometimes and let others carry it for a short while. That's what the day centre is there for, it's a little respite for me for a few hours.

I'm beginning to understand carer stress and why when we went to the geriatrician and when we met with the care agency nurse that I was handed a survey about my stress levels on both occasions. I dare say that after the last few weeks my score would be a little higher than before.

I'm not sure that I'm meant to be carrying so much responsibility, but I am and it's because this particular human being is so damn important to me. And we step up for our friends when they need us.