Three and a half weeks ago my friend went for a big walk around his local area to the park. When I arrived at his home after work I made him dinner and settled in for a chat. He started talking about the dead bird he'd found and was wondering where he put it. I looked around the house and then decided he must have been remembering one of the previously deceased birds that I had said I would take to the taxidermist....
The next morning as I walked through his gate I looked at the small barren tree ahead of me and there carefully placed across some of the smaller branches was a very deceased green parrot. It had rained heavily overnight and it was saturated. I quickly walked back to my car and grabbed a paper bag and some tissues and collected it. It went back in my car to put in a bin on the way to work.
They say things come in threes and we now had a trilogy of deceased birds. The circle was complete and ending of sorts. But now I see it as a sign from the universe that things were about to change.
Less than a week later he was in an ambulance on the way to the hospital. Something had made him very ill. He was taken to the local hospital and then transferred to the next larger regional hospital over 100kms away. They couldn't find anything structurally wrong, it may have been a virus, but it was the trigger that decided that he could no longer live independently. After 9 days he was transferred to the hospital in the next town closer to home. And there he will stay until an aged care bed becomes available.
I'd been holding my breath for the months leading up to this point. His wandering had increased as had the sundowning and we'd had some very interesting moments that tested me. I knew it was getting increasingly unsafe for him to be at home. Fortunately on the day he became unwell he was at the day respite centre and they looked after him until I got there. Had this happened at home after I had already left for the evening it could have been awful. He wouldn't have died but he would have been at the risk of dehydration and would not have called me.
As difficult as the last two and a half weeks have been I see the events that have transpired as a blessing in disguise. My prayers have been answered, I'd been concerned about how he'd react when a room came up in aged care, how would I get him in there. But now being in hospital creates a stepping stone of sorts, it will be a gentler transition. And he's safe and well looked after and I don't have the same level of worry that I did. I'm much more relaxed and now when I go to see him I spending quality time with him. even at the stage he is at I still enjoy his company. It's nice just to be with my friend.
Caring takes a lot out of you and it completely changes the dynamic of the relationship. I'd been searching for ways to find the space where I could put down the carer role and simply be his friend. I found that in moments when we were at my house drinking cuppas together.
I still need to be both his primary carer and advocate but there is now more time to hold his hand and simply be his friend. Despite the age gap our friendship of over 30 years has developed a very deep bond between the two of us. We are each others soul mate with out the romantic ties. And it's lovely to be able to sit and enjoy just being with him.
